28 Things I Learned in my 28th Year
Tomorrow I turn 29 — my last year in my 20s. The last few weeks have been emotional for a number of reasons and I’m feeling even more thankful, sad, thrilled, and confused as I approach this final year in such a fun decade of my life. I’ve learned so much this year, some gentle nudges from the Universe and others full-blown slaps to the face. I’m grateful to have experienced a year filled with new beginnings, wonderful friends, heartbreak, and discovering parts of myself I had never met before. So let’s get into some of the lessons that I learned this year.
Human connection trumps online friendships every time: As much as I love my online presence and the creative, cool, and fun people I’ve met there, nothing fulfills me more than creating deep connections with people in more personal settings. Online friendships can feel very transactional and it’s so much more important to me to have meaningful connections.
There’s a lot of personal responsibility in healing: There are so many ways to cope with mental health troubles but true healing requires you to stand up for yourself, even when it sucks and you feel undeserving of good things. I’ve been in therapy for years but it wasn’t until this year that I forced myself to dig deep and confront the roots of so many of my issues. My friends, family, and therapist do so much for me but at the end of the day, I have to own my problems, feelings, and actions.
My physical health is a priority I need to focus on: In the last few years, I developed a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms that were hurting my body. I wasn’t giving myself the care and discipline that I deserved. For the last six months, I’ve focused heavily on healing my relationship with food and finding joy in exercise. Unfortunately, the girlies were right — eating well and taking care of my body DOES make me feel better! Who could’ve guessed?
Nothing is forever: This sounds so ominous but it brings me a lot of peace. Knowing and accepting that all things end (cue the Hozier song) makes it easier for me when it happens. How lucky are we to experience such beautiful things in life, even if for a moment? And on the flip side, it’s helpful knowing that any bad situation has an expiration date and things will be okay again.
Sexuality is so fluid: More and more, I have been identifying myself as “queer” as opposed to strictly “aroace”. I still consider myself very aromantic and asexual, but I’ve realized that sexuality is incredibly fluid and there are days where I think, “Oh wow, I really find that person attractive”. I know if I were to engage in sexual or romantic activities, I would be pansexual. Even though in this current moment, I don’t want to date or have sex with anyone, I can recognize that I have little crushes on various men, women, non-binary, transgender, agender, and genderfluid people.
Space from my phone brings me peace: I’ve realized that I’m 100% addicted to my phone. What’s crazy is that more often than not, my phone stresses me out. The constant notifications drive me insane and the feeling that I have a long list of people to reply to leaves me so stressed. I’ve taken a few breaks from my phone recently and it feels so good. Locking it away in my nightstand and saying “you know what… not every message needs to go answered,” has really taken a weight off my shoulders.
True friends understand and respect when you need space: This ties in to the point above but I’ve learned that real friends who love and care about you will respect your boundaries and understand when you need time alone to decompress. It doesn’t mean I don’t value their friendship if I miss a text and they understand that.
I love being my biggest fan: I won’t lie, I think I’m pretty awesome. I’m funny, I’m able to connect with people pretty easily, I’m creative and witty, I can learn new things quickly and adapt to changes as they come. Sometimes I forget these things or I let others’ negativity affect my self-image and you know what? Fuck that. I love myself and I’ll shout it from the rooftops!!!
We are so lucky to live in this time and space: There’s so much bad in this world right now but I always find myself feeling so thankful to be here in this exact timeline and on this planet. I get to know so many cool people and experience so many beautiful things. I wouldn’t want to live in any other place or time.
Crying is the BEST: I used to feel so embarrassed when I cried. It felt like this shameful sign of weakness that should be private and minimized. Around 3 or 4 weeks into my outpatient therapy program, I decided I would let myself cry freely and in front of people. I ended up crying almost nonstop for a few weeks straight, often for no reason. It felt like I had opened the floodgates and I would just be going about my day, crying out of nowhere. And you know what? It ROCKED!!!! Every time I cry, I feel like I’m shedding something that hurts or is blocking my energy. I love to cry! It’s a hobby now!!!!
My friends and family are often right when I’m not: I hate being wrong but time and time again, I’m forced to acknowledge that my friends or family can see things that I have clouded judgment on. If I had to give Ryan, Grace, or Lydia a dollar every time they saw someone’s intentions clearer than I did, I’d be broke as hell by now. Sorry I doubt you guys… and thanks for not being arrogant when I let you know you were right.
Giving myself grace has improved my relationship with my body: When I began my ~wellness journey~ this January, I promised myself that I wouldn’t be mean or judgmental towards myself if things didn’t go to plan. I know that the second I let negativity cloud this space of healing and physical wellness, I’ll stop trying entirely and that’s not what I want. If I miss a workout or don’t hit a goal like I had hoped, I refuse to beat myself up over it. Life is way too short to be mean to myself.
Outpatient Therapy Programs are actually so slay: After my menty hospital visit last June, I was enrolled in an outpatient therapy program that consisted of around 12 hours of therapy per week, with 9 of those being in a group setting. I was NOT about it at first but I actually really loved getting to chat with my group and cheer them on. The girls I met during that time were so powerful, kind, empathetic, strong, and loving and it felt like such an honor to share that space with them. Being in therapy for 12 hours/week was intense but it forced me to address a lot of things that I had previously kept under wraps.
I might actually enjoy cooking?: This one is still up in the air — the process of cooking stresses me out and I feel like a drowned rat running in circles BUT I feel so proud of what I create! It’s a fun way to give care to my body, try new things, and challenge myself with something I struggle with. My current favorite dish to cook is Almond Butter Tofu with Quinoa-speckled Rice and Veggies. YUM!
Lucy is definitely my soulmate: I don’t care what anyone says or if this makes people roll their eyes but Lucy and I are intrinsically connected on a deep level. Ever since she came into my life, we’ve been attached at the hip. I think about her all the time, even when she’s just in the other room. She’s my world and I don’t know how I will live without her. When she was in surgery a few weeks ago, I started having a panic attack and felt this overwhelming sense of fear. Once I spoke to the vet and saw the surgery log, I realized that panic attack started the same time they put her under. It could be coincidence but considering it happened exactly during that 30 minute procedure in the middle of an 8-hour vet visit, I think it’s more than that.
My spirituality doesn’t have a label and that’s okay: I’ve realized that not putting a specific label on my spirituality helps me feel free to do whatever brings me peace. I think that everyone should do and believe in whatever it is that makes them feel whole and secure and for me, that’s a mishmash of Paganism, Wicca, and naturalism. It doesn’t have to align to any one specific religion or belief system and that’s more than okay with me.
Being cringe is SO FUN: A lot of inner child healing I’ve done this year has focused on doing what I want and not feeling ashamed about it. I spent so much of my childhood and young adult years hiding or minimizing the things that I enjoy and I won’t do that anymore. I read some really cringe books! I’ve watched season 3 of Bridgerton a shocking amount of times in the last month! My comfort films include the entire Fifty Shades of Grey franchise! Who cares?!
Florence Welch literally isn’t human: My team at work did a PowerPoint Party recently and, as a joke, I did mine on why Florence Welch is actually an ageless, shapeshifting deity. It started as a joke but as I did more research, I kinda feel like I’m onto something? The evidence is literally there.
I want to be a mom!!!!!: I wrote about this extensively in a previous blog post but, uh, yeah….. I want to be a mom so bad.
It’s incredibly important to be mindful of where you spend your money: This year, I did a lot of work on my finances and realized that I have a big spending problem. Even worse, I was shopping at and supporting companies that have shitty working conditions and sustainability practices. There’s a lot of power in being selective with where you shop. I encourage you to do research into your favorite stores and avoid those with different values than your own.
Control is an illusion: I love having control over a situation. I get anxiety otherwise. However, this year has really showed me how little control I have over the things that matter. Lucy’s health has been a huge example of this. In the grand scheme of things, there’s very little I can do to help her. I can provide the best care I can afford but at the end of the day, it’s entirely up to her body and what it decides to do. I’m still trying to accept this.
The worst thing I can do to my mental health is compare myself to others: I think we can all agree on this one. What good comes out of it? Social media is a hellscape for a lot of reasons but this one especially. Nobody’s life is exactly as they show it on Instagram. I don’t want to pick up hobbies or read specific books just because someone else did it and made it look cool.
Karma is karma-ing: The fun thing about karma is that you don’t have to do anything yourself for it to be at work. There’s no need to “get back” at someone or have the last word. Things have a funny way of working out in the end and there’s no point in wasting energy on it.
I will not let my job affect my mental health anymore: Some people get a lot of fulfillment out of accomplishing big things at work and putting a ton of blood, sweat, and tears into their projects. That’s not me. It doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious, it simply means that my job is just my job. I love the people I work with and I enjoy the work that I do but I’m not letting it control my life outside of working hours anymore.
I hate marketing my brand: I am so sorry but I hate having to sell myself like this. Maybe it’s a confidence thing but I just feel so icky telling people why MY shop is great and why they should give me money. Ick!!!!!!! Thank god for people like Matea though who make marketing so much clearer and easier for those like me. Follow her on Insta! @mateathemarketer
I LOVE BEING QUEER!!!!!!!!: This year really solidified how important having a queer community is for me. I joined the South Valley Queer Book Club here in SLC and cried driving home from my first meeting. It is so special to have a group of people who know what it’s like to come out and live life as a queer person. You really don’t realize how necessary that community is until you experience it and that feeling of being seen has been so healing for me.
I might be kinda extroverted?: This has caused quite an identity crisis for me because I’ve always considered myself a hardcore introvert. As I get older though, I become more and more like my dad every day. I LOVE chitchatting with strangers in the grocery store. I love complimenting people on their hair, their outfits, their cutie kids. I’m still an introvert but I’d consider myself an extroverted introvert now and I don’t know why that feels so groundbreaking LOL.
My life is so beautiful: A few months ago, I decided to try shrooms and when I tell you I had the most beautiful, spiritual experience — believe that! I cried and cried because I just felt this overwhelming sense of “HOLY SHIT!!!!! My life is AMAZING! I am such a beautiful, fun, exciting person!” so yeah… I’m taking that energy with me wherever I go.
Thanks for joining me on this looooong list. Cheers to 29!
